It is merely half past ten in the morning and already I have showered, washed my hair, done the outside watering, done the washing up, cleaned the kitchen floor and breakfasted LIKE A KING on apples and milk.

I am now going to spend a little while with paper and pencil, trying to finalise the design of my back garden. Discussions with the builders have turned it from a simple “re-clad the existing patio” to “put new patio footings down, because the existing ones are shit and the whole thing will sink again if I half do the job”. I didn’t want that to be the case, but it is the case and in some ways this frees me up to be a bit more creative with what I want to achieve.

I’ve decided that I will have the world’s tiniest shed put in, in the darkest corner, behind the big red acer. It will be painted blue and white, to match my benches, and because I generally think that wooden things look best in an English garden when they are painted blue and white. And when I change my mind I can paint it another colour.

In the opposite corner (next my new gates) I’m sticking in a new patio area and a pond.

And then last night, while sighing longingly over a £400 hammock on eBay, I had a stroke of genius: I don’t want no STEENKIN HAMMOCK taking up HALF MY GARDEN. No sir. What I want is a very simple and very strong box-shaped pergola over my new patio area. And I am then going to be able to put up a hammock and hammock chairs, and, if I wish, some shading, whenever I please. In fact I liked this idea so very much, I now intend to repeat it over the top patio as well, so I can hang my hammock wherever I please. I can have a dozen hammocks. I can invite everyone I know to come over and bring their own hammock.

In short, this idea is so genius, it’s almost like the invention of the wheel. Only better.

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2 Responses to Phenomenoo!

  1. John Arundel says:


    Also, hammocks!

    • chiller says:

      I know, right! It is going to be a very pretty shed though. But nonetheless a shed. With tools in it.

      I have always wanted a hammock. I’ve never even had a go in one.

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