I’m going to address an issue of vital human interest. Further down the page I will be rocking a bath towel and no makeup in the name of science.
BRACE YOUR EYES.
I recently bought a sports bra. Brilliant! Woo! Happyface.
And then I wore it for a while, and ended up with a killer headache, and a bit of a trapped nerve on one side of my neck for a few days afterwards. UNbrilliant. Oow. Not happy face.
A normal bra strap is carrying a lot of weight, if you’re anything over a C cup. Ladies gifted in the chestal area tend to develop a little groove in their shoulder, at the outside end of the clavicle, where they habitually put their bra strap. The reason this happens is that the rest of the shoulder is muscle. And if you place a relatively thin strap across a muscle and then put a lot of weight on that strap, what do you think happens to the muscle? Yeah. Blood supply problems. Cramp. Squeezed nerves. Pain. And then the muscles around it start trying to support it, and before you know what’s happening – KAPOW! Killer head ache / upper back pain / neck pain.
It may not be anatomically brilliant to balance the weight of your boob on the end of your clavicle, but this is the reality of women with humungous badongas: we need to rest that weight somewhere. There just isn’t anywhere else to put it. The only workable alternative to the bra strap is a properly boned and fitted corset, and while those are exquisitely comfortable for most applications, they aren’t any good for running in. Believe me, I’ve done it.
Most sports bras are what’s known as “racer back”. There’s a good reason for this. Bra straps – more so on smaller-breasted women – slip off women’s shoulders. The “racer back”, which effectively joins the two shoulder straps together somewhere below the nape of one’s neck, prevents this entirely. Great idea.
Except if you’ve got big ones, because racer back sports bras do the most insane thing, which is demonstrated quite well by this image. They move the point where maximum pressure is applied to the body from the outer end of the clavicle, directly onto the trapezius muscle.
SPORTS BRA MANUFACTURERS! SORT YOURSELVES OUT!
Look, this blog isn’t entirely about gardening and breasts. It’s just been one of those weeks.
 There are some exceptions to this, but I have not yet tested them.