[TW all up in your face]
First thing: appaz David Cameron is banning porn, and banning women’s sexual fantasies. Let me address those points quickly.
1) He’s proposing that people can opt in to see porn.
2) It is physically impossible to ban a fantasy. Fantasies are in people’s heads. Fantasies are in people’s bedrooms, between partners who want to be there and play. Fantasies will always exist, they are unassailable. They are yours. Enjoy them. What Cameron is attempting to do is to ban “porn” that features women getting raped. Because at the point where your fantasy spills out into my society, hey presto, that isn’t a fantasy any more.
So that’s that.
Secondly, I’ve seen this happen three times today alone – here’s the scene:-
Feminists are talking about the proposed ban on “porn” that involves (possibly simulated, but hey who cares) images of women being abused / raped. Some of the feminists are pro “rape porn”, citing the fact that many women fantasize about being raped. “You can’t police our fantasies!” they cry.
And the opposite camp says “rape isn’t entertainment. And you having a wank isn’t more important than women’s right to live in a society where raping women isn’t regarded as sexy entertainment.”
And the pro-rape feminists say “but there’s no proven correlation!”, ignoring the fact that it is impossible to prove any correlation because no ethical test can be designed, and also ignoring the fact that the world has a multi-billion pound advertising industry based entirely on the principle of “monkey see, monkey do”, and – hey – guess what – it’s REALLY successful.
And then at some point the following happens: either one of the pro-rape feminists suggests that the upset anti-rape feminist should butt out of the conversation “if you’re finding it upsetting. Self care is important.” Or the anti-rape feminist drops out of the conversation herself, because the conversation is making her go mental. Either way, suddenly the anti-rape side of the conversation goes away.
It happened to me about two weeks ago and is the core reason I took a week or so off twitter. Because while talking about this with me, a pro-rape feminist I hitherto admired, and whom I regard as a friend, basically told me if I was finding the discussion upsetting, maybe I shouldn’t participate.
Do you know what that is? That’s silencing. That’s patriarchy in action. That’s rape culture. That is throwing the actual victims of rape, VAW and SA right under the bus. That’s censoring debate, because it leaves only the women who are pro-rape / who have NOT been traumatised by it and who are NOT triggered by it to have the discussion about the influence rape-as-entertainment has on our society.
You need to get your heads out of your so-cool feminist backsides and stop silencing women who’ve been traumatised. It’s shitty. It isn’t even vaguely feminist.