So today a tiresome but common thing happened. I just happened to spot someone I’ve known for years on twitter @-ing Corbyn in support of the group of transphobic women who’ve just (allegedly, lol) mass-quit Labour.
And so I block this person I’ve known for years. Because I’m nonbinary and I’m bi, In the LGBT that makes me a B and a T. I am a member of the group of people your faves want to deny basic access to things like toilets, refuges and changing rooms. And I deserve better in life than to hang out with people who think hating me and excluding me is something we could maybe have a nice chat about over cocktails, and agree to differ.*
I would say this happens pretty much every couple of weeks. I certainly don’t ever go a month without it happening. And it’s always someone I’ve known a long, long time. It’s always someone who knows what I am. It’s always someone I’ve exchanged with and laughed with, and liked – you know, until I found out they were ok with hate groups whose focus is, basically, me. I always block them. I never debate them. And I often mention it on my twitter timeline, usually with an exhortation to their fellow jellyfishpeople – the ones I know, statistically, must exist, I just haven’t figured out which of my friends they are, yet – to spine up and block me if they feel that way.
Because knowing you creeps are out there, and that I am accidentally including you in my life makes me feel sick. What you are doing is abusive.
Read it twice: WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS ABUSIVE.
If you’re ok with the existence of a hate group, get your sorry fence-sitting self the fuck out of the lives of those people who are its subject.
Often when this happens I feel utterly sad, for quite a few days. Today, for some reason, I romped straight across the line from sad into furious. And I think it’s just down to erosion. There are only so many times you can believe in yet another stranger’s equality-&- basic-decency shtick, only to have them beat you with it; before you find yourself viewing all strangers as your next potential kick-in-the-faith.
Do you have any idea how much damage you’re inflicting on someone when you make them have to fight the urge to mistrust everyone? Not just strangers, but the people they already know. When you are part of that gaslight drip drip drip? How outside and precarious you make someone feel when they find out you’re metaphorically (or in the case of one well-known woman I blocked recently, literally) lunching with the people who hate them? How unwelcome, how as if their needs are literally nothing?
Well I MATTER, FUCKO.
And if this happens to you, you matter. YOU MATTER.
Life is too short to waste any of it with people who are supporting those who hate you. Get away from those people. Don’t feel you owe them an explanation, just get away. Find people who have your corner & support what you are. They exist. It’s worth having that as your basic minimum standard for friendship. You deserve that as your minimum standard, even for just hanging out with someone.
I’m weary of the people who face no social exclusions themselves who play the “can’t we all just get along?” card. No. If you defend those who wish social exclusion on me, we can’t.
And I’m personally going to make sure that the fence you’re sitting on isn’t at all comfortable. I’m going to make sure you know you’re doing harm on that fence. I’m going to make sure that fence has barbed wire on it.
“Get along” with that. You expect me to.